Ringing the Alarm for 3 out of 4

3 in every 4 women living with HIV (WLHIV) in the United States report a history of violence compared with 1 in every 4 women in the general population.

Why is this? Why does an HIV status make women more at risk, more vulnerable to, more susceptible, to violence? My first answer is stigma. The fear of the unknown. The fear of the risk of transmission; however there is much more going on under the surface and it's time we talked about it more.

Through the powerful efforts of the women involved in the Positive Women's Network, through the engagement on headlines in various cities of women brutally beaten and killed, a call to action has been announced. The alarms have been rung...but do you hear them?

• 55% of WLHIV have experienced intimate partner violence (IPV). Some WLHIV have faced violence following disclosure of their HIV status.
• 30% of WLHIV are living with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
• Abuse and violence negatively impact health outcomes for women with HIV and low-income women may be especially vulnerable in relationships.

But let me not bore you with statistics, reports or other data. Let me introduce you to Elisha Henson, mother of two, strangled to death because she was living with HIV. Her killer stated Henson had performed oral sex on him. It was afterwards, an acquaintance mentioned Henson's "illness", he learned of her HIV status. Her body was found in a lake.

Meet, Cicely Bolden, also a mother of two, was brutally stabbed to death by her partner, who was cheating on his spouse. He learned of Bolden's status, decided to consent to sex with her one more time, then killed her, stating he wanted to "make her pay."

The risk of transmitting HIV through oral sex, according to the CDC is much less than the risk of HIV transmission through anal or vaginal sex. Bolden's murderer has remained to test negative for HIV. 

The tragedy is not just in the loss of life or innocent children losing a parent; but also in the ignorance behind the supposed "passion" of the murders. Assuming your own HIV status through discovery of someone else you may have had unprotected sex with is dangerous. The only way to know your status is to get tested.

These are not the only cases in which this is happening and not all of them end in death; however they are happening. Rapidly, quietly, dangerously. All the while, leaving the shadow of shame and stigma hovering over someone who has been diagnosed with HIV. How these cases are brought to light, handled and discussed plays a pivotal role in whether people will ever feel free to disclose their status and not face repercussions that could cause them their life. 

HIV is a manageable virus of the body that can be treated. No, there is still is not a cure, but there isn't a cure for the common cold and people aren't murdering each other over that either. 

Join emPOWERed Legacies, the Positive Women's Network and other agencies during October 23rd as we stand for those that can't and break the chains to end the culture of violence  and instead, support the laws, policies, programs and culture that promotes safety and healing from trauma for WLHIV.

As of right now, the solutions are to:

• repeal laws that place WLHIV at disproportionate risk for violence, including laws criminalizing HIV, drug use, and sex work
• demand implementation of trauma-informed services and programs for WLHIV
• advance partnerships and linkages between HIV and domestic violence services
• support economic empowerment and self-sufficiency for WLHIV
• Share this blog and other posts on PWN's websites using the hashtag #endvawhiv and #pwnspeaks
  • Retweet PWN by following them @uspwn and myself @mrs_kam
  • Participate in the national conversation beyond October 23rd

Together, we will come up with more solutions. Together we will end the violence. Together we will stand and the world will see us. We are HERE! See us LIVE!

How to Get Away With...Getting Tested

You guysssss!!!

The season premier of How to Get Away with Murder #HTGAWM!! 

*gasp*

*shudder*

*face palm*

*jaw drop*

And this was probably before the first commercial break. I don't want to give away any spoilers, and I don't do recaps, but I will disclose that Shonda Rhimes addressing #HIV in a relationship was genius. I don't watch a lot of television, but when I do, sadly 90% of a season for a show will involve two consenting adults having probable unprotected sex. A lot of drama ensues, maybe a pregnancy scare, sometimes a murder...but hardly ever the issue of contracting or transmitting HIV. Without giving away who has it or why it was discussed, I will say that this episode made me so proud of the strides we are taking in HIV awareness, prevention, treatment and research. 

Here's a breakdown of the conversations that took place. They didn't overwhelm the scene with melancholy and was handled so realistically, I applauded. If up to this point, you have not seen this episode, it is a spoiler; however not a spoiler to the main plots and twists of the show. 

Season 1
Oliver suggested Connor, who often engaged in risky sex to get tested for HIV. Connor tested negative and Oliver tested positive. This helped dismantle preconceptions about who has HIV and bring to light the dangers of testing yourself through your partner. 

Season 2 Episode 1
Conner stands in front of Oliver naked and ready to have sex. Oliver suggests they wait 2 weeks to allow #PrEP to reach its maximum protection. Conner says "I really want to be here... more than anything, even if it means being celibate for 14 more days." This part of the conversation introduces to people that the pill is not an instant cure-all, it is a effective prevention method used to reduce the transmission of HIV and is approved by the FDA.

Oliver then says with a smirk, "13 more days. You took your 1st pill last Sunday at 9:30."

Thank you Shonda Rhimes and Peter Nowalk for your de-stigmatizing portrayal of sexual responsibility. I want to know, has the conversation of sexual responsibility gone this smoothly for you? Is this realistic? Lemme know!

Sidenote: Catch Shonda on the cover of Essence magazine and then turn to page 117 to read more about how HIV intersects with intimate partner violence. THIS sheds light on how the above post could have turned out completely different (and has for many people living with HIV). 

Health Activist Writer's Challenge Month: Creature of Habit

A "Normal" Day

9:15 am - Wake up

9:17 am - Debate going back to sleep

9:20 am - Check calendar to see if it's possible to go back to sleep

9:30 am - Grumpily getting coffee because there's stuff on the calendar that means you couldn't go back to sleep

9:50 - 10:15 am - Shower/Dress/Candy Crush (procrastination is disguised as "waking up")

10:20 - 12:30ish pm - Respond to emails, work on website, check social media, update calendar, prepare for webinar/conference call

1:30 pm - realize you haven't eaten at all, #hangry symptoms kick in

1:35 - 3:45 pm - randomness of events sets in as you find food, chat with spouse, answer unexpected phone calls, eat, figure out what to cook for dinner, sign up for four more webinars, check the mail, still no checks, find a source of caffeine and tell yourself you will clean tomorrow

4:00 - 7:00 pm - start cooking dinner, chat with daughter when she comes home from school, convince her to do her chores before dinner, discuss what TV show you two will watch together (only if it's #PLL or #Empire season)

7:00 - 10:00 pm - wind down and spend time with daughter while checking email, working on website, updating calendar and signing up for two more webinars as well as preparing flyers for two events (kid falls asleep). Take meds

10:00 - 12:00 am - tell yourself to try to sleep before you have to get up and take sister to work, usually don't get sleepy until 1:00 am but have to get back up at 2:15 at the latest, return home around 3:30 am, pass out and do it all over again.

Sometimes.

Working from home has caused me to develop some bad habits. I eat less, sleep less and sit more. In that, I have also developed great habits. My family has dinner together every night, I spend time w/ my daughter and I can create my own schedule.

A perfect day would just have me actually completing one project that I start out on or actually being able to do all my business work AND clean the house in the same day. 

Healthwise, I need to find a way to fit in going to the gym that I am paying for monthly as well as working in some healthier breakfasts besides coffee and sausage burritos. I don't think my office chair expands so we will soon have problems sitting at the desk if I don't get it under control. Also, on some days, I squeeze in a nap, like what I think I'm going to do after I publish this blog today. The overcast weather we've been having is a perfect recipe for a nice nap. 

Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge: Good Samaritan

Galatians 5:22-23New King James Version (NKJV)

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

Not just because it is in the Bible, not just because it makes people feel good and not because I like to brag about it - but being kind is something I crave, seek and try to manifest in others daily. It is an outward expression of love and practice towards agape love, which is a love that is beyond unconditional. It doesn't warrant a response or action, it just is.

Now, whether I choose to do this through a smile (which I'm told I do naturally, so there's really no effort behind that), a encouraging word, an inspiring social media post, or paying someone's toll on a road trip; kindness has no boundaries, no measured cap off or quantity limit. 

Kindness is also not a perception of perfection either. I've been told I'm a goody-two shoes or even a hypocrite because I never talk about my bad days or express publicly when I'm angry. I don't see a need in that because the world has enough of it. I find the times that I do conform and share with the world a dark part of my heart - especially something petty and trivial, the already miserable and downtrodden feed off of that. I don't want to perpetuate the sadness and heavy-hearted justifications of inflicting pain that already goes on in people's lives. I want to cultivate the culture of living life to its fullest, abundantly and victoriously. 

There was a time kindness was extended to me on a level of agape love that I never thought I'd experience and it's one of the few times I remember in my life that I purposefully sought this kindness. It was right after I was diagnosed with HIV. I had been trying to re-establish a relationship I had broken with a high school sweetheart and we were dealing with trust issues. In the midst of this, I had to sit him down and tell him that all our efforts were about to be for naught because I was diagnosed with HIV and I knew he wasn't going to want to be with me. We hadn't been intimate so there was no actual risk factor and I figured he'd flee realizing this. In that moment, he did get up to leave, walked out my house, go in his car and drove off. I pressed my back to the door in understanding, relief and began accepting that this was the life I was going to have. A life of loneliness, rejection, and shame.

I don't know what it was that sparked the next thing to happen, but as I walked away from the door, there was a knock. I was so caught in my blanket of despair, I never heard anyone drive up or approach the door. I looked out the window to see my high school sweetheart's face. I gingerly opened the door and he said these words: "The things that you've done prior, I have forgiven whether they were intentional or not. This, you didn't do or ask for on purpose and I am here for you and we can get through this." Through our relationship that lasted for the next three or so years, he always told me that there was nothing I could say or do that would make me stop loving him and I hold that to be true twelve years later as we are still the closest of friends. That was a level of kindness I needed, appreciated and treasure. It empowered me to know that I can be loved, I am not a social outcast and I am worthy. His selfless act of kindness and desire to learn more about HIV showed me that I can extend the same to others, even if something in the universe tells me they don't deserve it. 

Kindness, bearing good fruits, is a chain reaction. When you plant the seeds, someone else will come along and water them, another will take the time to fertilize them, someone else will shine their light on them and eventually, you have evidence of all the goodness you took from yourself and put into the lives of others. 

Embrace healing, Give inspiration, Live victoriously.

Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge: Key to Success

There are often times living with HIV that I find myself encouraging others who are newly diagnosed, or think they've been put at risk of contracting the virus. In those moments, I remember the times I needed encouragement and where I sought the strength to push through and find my happy when times told me I shouldn't.

I was raised to seek contentment in life, rather than happiness because happiness is an emotion that is fleeting where contentment is a disciplined state of mind. Applying this to my life, I've learned contentment leads to joy and peace. Those are two things that no one can give you or take away...but I can give you tips on how to get to a place of contentment when dealing with heavy life changes. 

Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel. There is no handbook for the appropriate response to a diagnosis, loss of friend or even death. Everyone has different experiences, perspectives and emotions that wire them to respond differently to things. You don't need permission to feel. When I was younger, I was told my paternal grandfather had passed away. I giggled and my mother gave me the most horrified look and I subconsciously began to pay attention to how people responded to death. Everyone either cried or was upset in some way. For years, I would catch myself if I heard of death or loss before I let out a "inappropriate" response. It wasn't until I was an adult and shared this with my mom that she apologized and then asked me if I remembered why I giggled. I did. I was remembering my trips to visit him and how he'd play his organ for me or take me get a Whopper from Burger King right before dinner if Grandma was making something I didn't like. He spoiled me and it was our little secret. My mom then shared that the reason my reponse was so different than everyone else's is because I was supposedly the only person grandpa was kind to. I was expressing an emotion others wanted to but because it wasn't coming from the same place, they chose to respond differently. Ever since this conversation, I have chosen to be me and not apologize for what my heart needed to pour out. What you feel is what you feel. Never apologize for that. 

I apply this to living with a stigmatized health condition. HIV brings judgment and fear from a lot of people. In that, I have to find my happy with it. People are already uncomfortable with it, so why not? I've found people have a hard time being uncomfortable with something I'm clearly ok with. The key to happiness, is to live YOUR life for YOU, and make no apologies for it. I find reasons to laugh and smile every single day. I was told that I was born into the world smiling, not crying. I fully embrace that. While I know this is not the case for everyone, I encourage you to embrace who you are, what makes your heart tick, what brings you joy. Surround yourself with it so that even if you cannot tap into it daily, you can access it when you need it. That's why, if you ever visit my home, you will find random pieces of bubble wrap stuffed and stashed in small places.

My final sentiments on finding the key to happiness is this:

Embrace healing, Give inspiration, and Live Victoriously - in spite of it all.
(For more on how I do that, please visit my website!)

Health Activist Writer's Month Challenge: Wordless Wednesday

 

The Movement

Yesterday we honored a legend, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I chose to attend a showing of Selma to remind myself of the fight and was pleased to see that there was a team of people portrayed, not just one man. He had support and was surrounded by people that made great sacrifices for what they all believed in. His wife was definitely one of them. Did you know that while her important work supporting her husband to advance civil rights is undeniable, Coretta Scott King should also be remembered for her work in the fight against HIV/AIDS in the early years of the fight? She was a woman that served as a beacon of hope and saw what was a humanity issue. 

Today, I received a beautifully written email from Executive Director of National Minority AIDS Council , Paul Kawata, that sheds light on how fighting the fight against HIV/AIDS and the stigma associated with it, is carrying on the dream and legacy of what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. believed in. Kawata shares his memory of meeting Mrs. King...

"Mrs. King gave a keynote addresses at the National Skills Building Conference (known today as the United States Conference on AIDS) and the HIV Prevention Leadership Summit. As only she could do, Mrs. King said, “the fight against HIV is a fight for the civil rights of people living with HIV”. She drew a direct link between movements at a time when few wanted to be part of our struggle. She would get significant push back for her stance, but she never wavered in her support of our community. Against the wishes of many in the civil rights community, she opened the door for our movement to be part of a larger struggle. 

Today HIV is at a crossroads. Many people living with virus now live long lives. Medications have given back what the disease took away. Unfortunately, that isn’t true in all communities. The Centers for Disease Control noted that across racial and ethnic groups, 79.5% of white Americans living with HIV had some viral suppression while only 64.1% of African Americans living with HIV had some viral suppression. African Americans who were diagnosed with HIV are the least likely to be linked to HIV medical care. We’ve heard these statistics before, but we’ve almost become numb to the numbers."

We cannot risk becoming numb. People are still dying from this. I recently found out a young, beautiful and talented young lady I had the pleasure of working with when I first started speaking passed away a few weeks ago. I don't know what her direct causes were, but it is still a blow to the community. No one should be dying from this today. Treatments are available, but they may not be easily accessible for everyone. Employability, insurance, adherence to treatment, comorbidities are sometimes all piled up against an individual living with HIV. In the U.S. each state handles access to treatment with a loose blanket of solidarity and globally, numbers are even more dismal. 

It's going to take evolving innovation, strategic aggression and united compassion to change this. The fight to advance civil rights was never isolated to a one-time event, but a chain of consistent and strategic helping hands that never gave up. The same must be done in the work ahead to continue pushing and fighting against stigma, bringing equal access to treatment, and strengthening policy that is harming the HIV community. 

If you are looking for more ways to get involved, consider becoming a member of NMAC or attending this years conference in Washington D.C. If neither of those are something you think you can achieve today, do not feel that you can't have a part in this movement. Dr. King said it best when he shed light on power in vulnerability:

• Start a discussion group in your community. Invite someone from your local health department to come out and educate. Many doors can open from this.
• Involve your elected officials in changing the policy in your state for criminalization of people living with HIV/AIDS by signing petitions or writing letters of your own.
• Share statistics via social media among your friends. Post it as your insight, challenge your friends to do the same. For help on how, visit Greater Than AIDS or our nations' government site full of educational tools like webinars, testing locators, awareness day information, etc.
• If you have never met someone living with HIV/AIDS, the opportunity is but a click away for you to learn from some residents in Florida that decided to be the Faces of HIV.
• If you are living with HIV and are looking for support, that is still doing your part in the movement, because you are demonstrating that there is still a need. Find empowerment and support through these individuals or agencies below and you will be on your way to doing great things!
• The Stigma Project - geared to eliminate the negative connotations associated with HIV/AIDS so it is looked at in a neutral health issue.
• The Red Pump Project - creates platforms to engage conversations about HIV/AIDS in a bold and socially driven way.
• SeeUs: Women Take a Stand Against HIV - utilizes tools for HIV positive women and their physician to address specific health concerns as an HIV positive woman
• If you are living with HIV and are not covered by insurance, you STILL have time to review and compare health plan options and find out if you are eligible for financial assistance that can help pay monthly premiums and reduce out of pocket expenses. Feb. 15 is the cutoff for open enrollment. #getcovered
• There are much, much more, feel free to contact me and I can help you find an agency, organization, or individual that will be able to address your concerns, issues and passion to help in the fight against HIV.

Thank you for reading and have a powerful and productively blessed day!

I Can't Breathe...a Mother's Fear of a New "Strange Fruit"

Over the past week I have shared my story of living with HIV and often am asked if I want to conceive another child. When I respond yes, I am sometimes asked if I fear passing on HIV to that child. No, HIV is not my fear. 

Pictured: HIV negative baby Symone '03

Passing on the history of the blood soaked ground that represents "legacy" is what I fear. Passing on the desire to keep my child safe, but inevitably teaching them to be afraid, that's my fear. 

The past few months of deaths have shown me this fear is valid. My rage is at a low simmer only because I've been sick to my stomach with humanity since I was seven. When my mother sat me down and told me what mankind did to Jesus. Then she broke down slavery. Then she broke down Civil Rights. Marching. Lynchings. Movements. Equality. Then I was blessed to see a Black man rise and be President...for two terms. My hope soared. But now...

Now, I'm charged to tell my daughter and any future child I may have why none of that worked well enough to ring true. 

Yes, I trust God. Please know that. Trust that I know His word says, it's best to trust no man. Ps. 118:8. My heart is hurting. I usually remain silent when the pain is in my bones. But I feel like the bones of generations past have been broken for nothing. 

The only freedom in this country my future child may know will be the 9 months he or she is in my womb. 

God bless America. #BlackLivesMatter

SeeUs: Women Take a Stand on HIV

Have you ever felt invisible?

Have you ever had something happen to you, you looked for help and could not find anything useful?

Have you ever felt isolated because those you thought could help you, have no idea of even where to start?

Have you ever wanted to express something going on with you medically but didn't have the right words or confidence to utilize your voice on your health?

If you are a woman living with HIV, recently diagnosed or living with it for any amount of time, and you answered yes to any of those questions...and you still feel this way...let me show you how you can take a stand. I've been there, so I understand how it feels and I am confident that these tools I'm sharing with you will help point you in the right direction.

So considering that globally 49% of all adults living with HIV are women, I believe it's critical to address that these women have access to treatment, engage with their medical support in ensuring their specific health needs are addressed and reducing the stigma associated with HIV/AIDS in their community. One way to do this is to use the newly released dialogue tools provided by IAPAC, AbbVie and this awesome team of women I had the honor to work with. Together, a campaign was developed called "SeeUS: Women Take a Stand on HIV" and you can read all about it at IAPAC's microsite. 

What's unique about these tools is that there is also a set for physicians and all downloads are available in SEVEN different languages for various parts of the world. To support this initiative with a woman in your life that is living with HIV, share the link provided above, use the hashtag #WomenOfHIV and help empower them to use their voice to take a stand on HIV...let them be seen, let them be heard!

Month of Gratitude: Travel

I am thankful all 365 days of the year but during this #MonthOfGratitude I will be narrowing it down and sharing with you all things I am grateful for! Since there are 26 letters of the alphabet and Thanksgiving is on November 27, this is how it goes: 

Post something you're grateful for that begins with each letter of the alphabet each day leading to Thanksgiving. It's a great way to focus on the blessings in your life and not the stresses of the holiday season!

I am grateful for travel! 

Some people go visit family and friends during the holiday season. Some people take much needed vacations. By nature I am a homebody and prefer not to be in crowds, so navigating airports and train stations, highways and gas stations during this time of the year is something I keep to a minimum. As for other times of the year, I love to be in an airport, flying from point A to point B, moving around and getting to be in places in a fraction of the time. It's one of the reasons I love the work I do. I never know where it's going to take me. I have only visited 15 states and 2 countries in my 32 years, so I have a lot of work to do! I would love to have visited all 50 states by the time I'm 45 and at least 10 more countries by the time I'm 50. I've been flying since before I was born. My dad is a flight attendant for United Airlines and it's just been a way of life for me from a young age. I am grateful for his lifestyle in his career because it has exposed me and prepared me to be ready for travel newbies, have patience with crowds and pack with flair in the smallest of suitcases for three days! 

Aside from traveling for pleasure, I find travel amazing in cases of emergency. You have a sick aunt five hundred miles from you? Catch a plane and be by her side in two or three hours opposed to the 8 it would take you to drive, plus fuel, tolls, gas, patience, etc. In the hospital for a organ transplant? They can fly your organ from another part of the country in life-saving minutes! See Denzel Washington in John Q. 


Don't get me wrong though, I'm all for a road trip. Fill the car to the max with all your necessities and plug in the GPS...or not and through inhibition to the wind. Just drive! Being able to take your time and stop to see sights is a wonder I enjoy. Give me fuel, a radio and a Big Gulp, it's bliss!

What are your travel plans this holiday? What's the most stressful thing you avoid when traveling? What is your must have for packing?