The Responsibility of Vision Followers

A statement made Sunday about the guest speaker Pastor Eddie Jasper, for my church's 125th Anniversary..."He's not a dream chaser, but a vision follower." - Dr. Lanelle Pickett Sr.

That has stuck with me since. Stop chasing dreams, but follow the vision that God has for your life. I've accepted that and pushed it deep into my soul. I've had the same dream every morning since then. My grandmother always said that when you dream something back to back, it's God's vision.

My heart, hands and hope are going to have an impact on this world. I need to accept that it's going to be in ways that terrify me. I need to accept my responsibility in taking the right faith-focused steps to get there. I also need to trust that God has laid out all that I need to protect, strengthen and propel me to the completion of His vision for my life. I need to focus on the end result being giving Him the honor and the glory.

I need to wake up and I want to share three key points that will help me stop dreaming and live the reality that God has for me:

1. Today is the only day I have control over. Yesterday was full of opportunities, chances, mistakes, and/or victories. Tomorrow is full of hope, but not promised. I need to walk in every step with the crucial awareness that it will impact how I walk should the Lord grant me another day. Not out of fear, not out of pleasing others, but out of committed devotion to reaching a goal, setting a standard and letting my light shine so the world can see Jesus a little more clearly.

2. Don't think. Know. I don't think  I know I have a relationship with the Lord, just like I don't think that I have ten fingers and toes. I know it. I know that I am not tapping into my full potential of awesome and it's because I'm not tapping into the full source. I know I am here to make a difference and I know that because I believe in a living savior that did.

3. Don't compromise the vision. I love making people feel good. I love nurturing sad hearts and helping people find a reason to smile. I cannot make that a priority over the vision that God has given me. He has allowed me to see certain things and not everyone is meant to understand or even see it or the decisions I make, the same way. My innate desire to make those people happy can be the hindrance that prevents a breakthrough. I can no longer allow that. Stop looking through other people's glasses to see your own dream. It will never come into focus.

What will it take for you to wake up and live right now, live hard and live victoriously? Live life big!


Do Life Big by Jamie Grace

3 Reasons My Summer Rocked...but I can't wait for Fall

I live in Florida which is proverbially warm year round and has no transitions of four seasons, but two. Wet and Humid. So, when I know the colors on the leaves are changing, falling and making that irresistible crunch sound - I am ready for it. I'm ready for the cooler weather, the holiday season, and the fashionable infinity scarves. Most importantly, in tune to the changing of the seasons in weather, there are changing of seasons in my life.

This past summer, some UH-MAZING things happened to me. Here's three of them!

#1. I traveled to Switzerland. I spent two days in Geneva for a business trip (see #2). During this business trip, my colleagues surprised me during our dinner on Lake Geneva with a "death by chocolate" cake of decadence. I was moved, I was elated, I was in Geneva!! I only obtained my passport in January of this year and this was my second European trip in three months. London in April, Geneva in June...and on my birthday. Pretty fab!

#2 I was in Geneva as part of a international steering committee put together to develop a  needs assessment tool to help identify a woman's individual care needs and facilitate improved discussions with their healthcare providers. I have personal hopes that this will empower women, their families and their treatment plan team to work together for the best chance to abundant living. This steering committee is assembled with some of the most brilliant minds I've ever met from International Association of Providers of AIDS Care, NAM/aidsmap, and women throughout the global HIV community. I gained more insights and inspirations into what I want to do with my career in Human Services by listening to what is going on with women living with HIV in countries like Poland, Russia, Romania, Spain, and Australia. I want to make a difference and I know I will make an impact on the world - especially with awesome opportunities to work with people like the ones on this committee. Helping others live their best life makes me love mine even more. Which is why I need to keep pressing towards this degree. 

#3 What capped this summer off and has me completely comfortable with the awesome that is the favor of God is that my family and I finally finished building our home with Habitat for Humanity. Three bedrooms, one bath, a lawn, a laundry room, hardwood laminate floors (easy clean!), and it's OURS! We own a home! We built our house! It's an amazing feeling that I honestly cannot describe. Maybe the photos from our house dedication will convey my joy. 

Now that Fall is approaching more noticeably in other states, I am eager to make my home feel like the best parts of the season. Warm color wreaths, scents of pine, spice (not pumpkin), apples throughout the house and preparation for Thanksgiving is just around the corner. These are a few of my favorite things!

So, tell me...what's yours? Are you ready for the Fall or are you wishing you could hold Summer at ransom to get a few more trips to the pool or wear your favorite summer mani/pedi a little longer? What are you favorite things that help transition the season? Do you have any tips on how to make a new home feel more holiday festive? Let me know!

Upcoming Summer Amazement & Such...

I'm so ready for the summer!

Aside from frequent trips to the beach, an unending supply of lemonade, hearing "Summertime" on the radio randomly, and several wedding celebrations, I am all about the travel opportunities around the corner!

The first thing I'm excited about is the AIDS 2014 International Conference! Seriously, if you haven't registered to attend, you really need to get on the ball. Find a sponsor (write your local pharma retailers!) and get your passport ready for Australia! Topics will include, "Faith and it's role in Sexual Taboos", "Exploring Gaps for Young MSM: Bullying, Health Services, and Advocacy Around the Globe", and one of the closing day symposium's "Violence, Culture and Conflict: Strategies for Safety in a Time of AIDS". Five days packed full of information that seems to run the scope of the last 30+ years of HIV/AIDS and is going to bring all attendees up to date. I can't wait to see the data released and information that will pour out from this conference.

Whatever happens in Australia, hopefully won't stay there as information will hopefully be spread to the states at the USCA 2014 in San Diego this October. You have more time to register for this one, it's always a special treat. I've attended the 2008 and 2013 events. I look forward to whichever way the airlines take me in light of these upcoming conferences.

While I personally have not had the opportunity to register for either event (wait for it), I know that things that will be discussed will be the catalyst to the change the HIV community has been waiting for in their hometowns, local agencies and lives as a whole. I know this because of the opportunities that keep presenting themselves on a global level.

The reason I will not be in attendance to these conferences (well at least one of them) is because I will be working with a team of esteemed physicians and HIV advocates to complete the development of See Us: Women Take A Stand on HIV with International Association of Providers of AIDS Care & AbbVie. Our next meeting just happens to be in Geneva, Switzerland!! When reading the draft consensus statement and regarding all that is going to take place in the developments of HIV knowledge this summer, I get goosebumps trying to take it all in!

HIV affects as many women as men worldwide¹, yet the challenges faced by these women can be muted by stigma and misunderstanding. Women living with HIV deserve access to comprehensive and individualized care, information, and support that is free from discrimination. As a global community, we must collectively help women access the care and support they rightfully deserve. We aim to ensure women have the tools and resources to engage in productive dialogue that strives to improve their care.

The best is yet to come. Pass me my lemonade because this summer is going to be blazing with change.

The Month of March is the Month of WOMEN...

As I sit here trying to play catch up with emails and social media postings, I realize that the majority of my weekend will be consumed by one of my favorite things on this planet...being a woman.I'm not talking about shopping or manicures (though I'm in desperate need of one...and I need some new red pumps). I'm talking being a woman aware of her health and the power of her voice.

March encompasses National Women's Health Week (which is usually recognized all month) AND Women's History Month, so that alone is a power-packed reason to celebrate being a woman!

Within this month, which has always represented springtime and beauty to me, I will be recognizing International Women's Day on March 8 as well as National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day  (NWGHAAD) on March 10. Let's just add my personal bonus high five moment of the month when Ms. Lupita Nyong'o won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for the film 12 Days a Slave. The month is nowhere near over and that moment was epic for me. So, I can only imagine what this weekend will bring with our local heroes of womanhood.

Of all of this, as you probably guessed, the one that means the most to me personally to recognize is NWGHAAD. Sponsored by the Office of Women's Health, it's reported that nationally, HIV/AIDS impacts women in a way that of the 1.1 million people living in the United States with the virus, women account for 1 out of every 4. And those are the ones that KNOW they are HIV positive, the one woman every 47 minutes that tests positive.

While there are conversations at the table regarding access to quality health care, reproductive justice cases, treatment research studies and breakthroughs on the horizon, there are still many women and girls in the gap, behind the rapid-release info age we live in, that still need the basic hand holding attention, care and nurturing in understanding how HIV/AIDS impacts them and that they don't have to be left in the trenches.

There are women with strong socio-economic barriers, exposure to domestic violence and psychological histories that prevent them from putting their health concerns first.

They need to know that they can trust their physicians. They need to know that there are communities structured to empower them. They need to know their lives are valid and worth fighting for. They need to be seen, accounted for and led to see the vision that is on the horizon of a cure. But we can't do that, if we don't look for them, instead of past them.

A consensus statement quoted from a recent press release with IAPAC, the International Association of Providers of AIDS Care reads:

"HIV affects as many women as men worldwide, yet the challenges faced by these women can be muted by stigma and misunderstanding. Women living with HIV deserve access to comprehensive and individualized care, information, and support that is free from discrimination. As a global community, we must collectively help women access the care and support they rightfully deserve. We aim to ensure women have the tools and resources to engage in productive dialogue that strives to improve their care."

This is in launching with HIV advocates and AbbVie, a global campaign called "See Us: Women Take a Stand on HIV". I love the name of this campaign because for me it's a two-way street. For the ones that are in third-world nations, surrounded by circumstances preventing them from access to quality care or a place to go and safely communicate what they need...they don't see others in first-world nations that are fighting for what they need and overcoming the stigma and misunderstanding of living with HIV/AIDS. It's the same thing for first-world nations. We get comfortable in addressing only our needs, we sometimes assume that everyone needs to just follow our lead without thinking of what it takes to get there when there's no resource, no adequate government, no safe ground.

Then there are some that think everything in the states mostly is great when it comes to discussing HIV/AIDS. So much, that many don't even think it's an issue anymore. It's frustrating for me when I still get looks if I bring up HIV/AIDS or someone rolls their eyes. A cure hasn't been found yet. People are still being infected, but don't talk about it? We don't talk enough about this on a large scale publicly. It's in the forums and it's on the conference calls, but where is the public display of urgency for women's rights in HIV/AIDS? This is a health issue! All should be concerned. There needs to be a fiercer battle against complacency towards health and sexual responsibility, but it will take commitment from all the various organizations that all have great mission statements and vision to work together for the greater good of women. I know they are out there, I know the desire is there, and I know the platform is waiting.

Are you going to step up to it? It doesn't take much. Post a status update, tweet your concerns, repost this blog if you want. You can take it further than social media. You can attend events, take pics and post them with HIV awareness hash tags. The Red Pump Project has a stellar one for women, but please follow their guidelines in using their logo or tagline #RockTheRedPump.

So, I'm going to put on my emPOWERed shirt, head to my local events (if you can't get to an event, there's still an opportunity to have your voice heard), and raise a fist in unity for women worldwide in our healing, our inspiration and our victory!

Pill Popping, Clock Stopping Fun - National Health Blog Post Challenge: Day 11

For all our veterans and family members, we celebrate this day because it marks the end of WWI, at the 11th hour on the 11th day of the 11th month. For WEGO Health's National Health Blog Month Challenge, we are being asked if we have a task that we complete every day at the same time that helps with our chronic illness? How long and how does it help? Ummm...ok here we go.


*Disclaimer: I fell of the 30 days, 30 posts wagon. I can't remember what activity grabbed my attention where I couldn't make this a priority, but since I started this, I will finish it. Well, just this one post.*

The only task that I complete each day as a ritual that is related to HIV is taking my meds. This is the utmost important thing I can do. But, I have a weird way of doing it.

I only have to take three pills, once a day. Thank God. (I will later discuss one day, why I am not yet on the once-a-day regimen). I take these before I go to bed every night, it's the easiest way to remember, plus, I have a high blood pressure pill that I add to that and I can only tolerate that tiny sucker at night.

Here's the weird part (ok, there's several components to my weirdness, but it's how I do it).

• I cannot stand for people to watch me take my meds. So, if I happen to be standing in the kitchen taking them, I will turn and face a wall. Even when I'm home by myself.

• I do not like to swallow pills so I will put my drink in my mouth first, then force the pill through my lips and swallow altogether. If I do not do this, the pills get stuck. Every time.

• I also (please don't judge me) do not take my meds with water as I do the above step. It has to be juice because for some reason, when I do this with water, the taste that I experience makes me gag and they come back up. This is with ANY pill. Aleve, vitamins, anything. BUT, I do drink water afterwards to make sure it's all washed down. 

So, there's my ritual. There's my weirdness. Read all about it! LOL
If anyone has anything weirder, I'd love to know so I don't feel as bad. We can start a club! C'mon! No? Ok.

Love ya anyway,

Standing Firm Like Mt. Zion (even if no one cares you climbed it)

I've been experiencing some spiritual challenges as of late.

 Remembering to bite my tongue when I want to give someone a piece of my mind is one of them. Then, remembering to not have an attitude when that said person doesn’t stop talking after I’ve shown such grace. Oh yeah, and this cycle of feeling ignored. I’ve been experiencing that a lot!

You know, we tell our kids to clean up the one piece of paper off the floor and two days later, not only is that same piece of paper there but so are shoes, socks and a spoon?!!?? What in the?

Or our spouse has the cute little habit of leaving all the lights on in the house but strong arms you when you reach for the light bill in the mailbox, smiling sheepishly as you scowl – again.

Wives, mothers…daughters, sisters…beloveds…

These are just little examples, but we know full well if you add that to the mix of our randomly sequenced life events like looking for a job, trying to lose weight, having a house built, running a ministry in your church, and maintaining your righteousness upon all of that…well paint the “S” on our chests and let’s take a bow!

Take a deep breath, it’s ok. We have to remember in times like this that God is always working in secret, behind the scenes, even when it feels as though nothing will ever change. The change that we seek, for it to really last through those days of “If I find one more sock on the floor, I will scream. And I will not stop”; we have to examine the inside of us.

The day I embraced this was a hard day. I felt like there was no one I could talk to even though I was surrounded by able minded people.  I didn’t want to feel like a burden. So what did I do? I sabotaged myself and went to someone who I know was experiencing some personal burdens of their own. 

Misery love company much?

This person literally took over the conversation as soon as I said I need to talk. So I bit my tongue, listened with grace, because obviously they needed to vent. I left  in silence.

My next attempt was at church. As soon as my foot hit the pavement of the parking lot, I was pulled in ten different directions with rapid, insincere pleasantries in between. I left frustrated.

I cried out to God, “Why is everyone ignoring me??? Why isn’t anyone at least asking how I’m doing?  I haven’t been to worship service in weeks! I haven’t talked to my friends in months. No one cares.

Well, God’s word is His source of “There, there my child. Come rest and listen to my voice.” I found that rest in Psalms 125:12 

“Those who trust in, lean on and confidently hope in the Lord are like Mt. Zion, which cannot be moved but abides and stands fast forever. As the mountains are round about Jerusalem, so the Lord is round about His people from this time forth and forever.”

There are times in us feeling ignored (see abandoned, emotionally neglected, overwhelmed, etc.) that we should remind ourselves that no one can (insert negative emotion here) you if God is for you.

Then I had to really make this personal for me, since the feeling of being ignored was beginning to eat at me.

Maybe I’ve been ignoring God?

So I made a list of all the things that I felt that I was being ignored about. I looked at this list and it jumped out at me. These were all things that I hadn’t really, truly trusted in God, leaned on, or confidently hoped for. I was desperately seeking change in these things and neglected to change me! It is so hard to be honest with ourselves when it comes to failures and insecurities, but we have to remember that noting is bigger than our God.

Not. One. Thing.

We cannot change anything by being frustrated and struggling within. Only God can fight those battles, but we have to let him.  Stop being at war with yourself and tap into the victory within you through the grace God has given you – not the struggles of this world.

Your change will come when you allow God to reveal it to you. The catch is, once He does you have to show that you trust Him with it before He can work in you the change that is needed.

In this, I find rest. I hope you do too. With every sock on the floor and with every challenge that you face.

Love,

Commitment and Integrity: Happy Veterans Day

HAPPY VETERAN'S DAY!

Thirty one years ago, I was born to a woman who didn't know she could have children. I was a miracle baby. Due to some emotional and physical turmoil my mom was going through prior to her discovering she was carrying me, she was seriously considering suicide. I grew up always knowing this and always feeling extra special that my life had such an impact on my mom. 

The more I grew up, the more I got to know my mom and especially as I became a mother, I realized it was not just I that saved her life, but she, as well as countless others saved our lives collectively. 

For a single black woman to even live in a country where she can contemplate the taking of her life and not have that decision made for her is a freedom not to be taken lightly. In countries that have women and girls not even allowed to go to school, not be able to choose who they marry, not have access to medical care, not be able to walk with their face showing or know that they can choose education over slavery...I see my mother through a set of eyes that inspires me to fight for those women. I got that fight from her. We are all soldiers.

You see, my mother, has been through pains and hurts...unspeakable betrayals of trust at a very young age and she rose beyond that with a chin held high, eyes narrowed and jaw set on never allowing that to happen to her girls. Her commitment to being a woman of virtue poured out in her mothering. Her integrity in the face of injustice rings loud when the silent become comfortable. She was groomed to be a soldier, becoming a soldier just gave her a platform to stand and be respected for the woman of God she is. 

I dedicate this blog to not just her, but to all the other women who chose to fight for their country when no one would fight for them. I salute the women who made the sacrifices they did so that I could sit here in my pajamas, living openly with HIV, married to a white man and say...

Thank you.

Reflections Post: Marriage & HIV

Some time ago I posted what I expected in marriage as an HIV positive woman and how I felt about who ever thought they could handle me in said marriage. Well...two years later...my reality is bliss!


So I'll be married for two years this coming February!

And I still have this smile on my face!

Being married is one of the most natural feeling things I've ever experienced next to being a mom. I'm amazed at just the thought of it. These are the two things I was most scared of in life. Being a mother wasn't in my plans and being married was something I was growing very wary of. But here I am. 

My husband is one of the hardest working men I've ever met in my life. Everything I spoke of in that blog was a resignation of being ok with being single. Once I reached that in my faith capsule, all else simply fell into place. I wasn't looking, I wasn't questioning, it seriously snuck up on me and I've been on my toes ever since trying to keep up with all of the blessings. 

Do we fight? Not so much, but we can do a quick snap, crackle, POP! Then retreat to our corners and come together again in love and understanding. Are there struggles though? OH YES! If it's not insurance, it's waiting for our house to be built. If it's not that, it's our daughter and her growing pains (we're raising my Tween from a previous relationship), or it's something about me always forgetting to take the meat out the freezer. We're not perfect, but we're perfect for each other. 

So, as I reflect on that scared little girl in the previous blog to the giddy and in love little girl I am now, I realize I am one blessed woman. I got my happily ever after and this fairy tale is far from over. 

Take THAT HIV! I am covered in a Ephesians 3:20-21 kind of life! "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to his power that is at work within us. To him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus, throughout all generations forevermore. Amen!" NIV

A Caramelized Colloidal Silver Dipped Apple A Day...National Health Blog Post Challenge: Day 10

Today's topic for the WEGO Health National Health Blog Month Challenge is alternative treatments and regimens. I am all for yoga, acupuncture, massage therapy, aromatherapy, vitamins, and other holistic methods to help manage your health care. I am all for prayer and standing in the belief that you are healed simply because you believe in the power of prayer.

Since my diagnosis in 2003, and I began speaking publicly about HIV/AIDS in 2007, I have received messages to almost all of my social networking profiles with offers on how to cure AIDS and that the government has the secret, etc.etc. I have been told by conspiracy theorists that I am bamboozled because I won't accept their theories for my reality and that I am just a guinea pig for the government.

I have been ridiculed by people in the "faith" community that I have not claimed my healing because I have not drank their holy tonic or rubbed on their anointed cloth. Side Note: My faith is not limited to a material object that can be held or manipulated by Man, but my belief in a Savior that was beaten, killed and buried for my sins only to rise again three days later - by His stripes, I am healed. 

Well, I have my own personal doubts I struggle with, of what my body is going through, I really don't need all of this other static in my head either, but I will share with you my thoughts on the whole craze of colloidal silver and please know that any posting of links is NOT in support of the claims being made by individuals or groups. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, it is your body and you have the right to do with it as you see fit. I won't argue with anyone who disagrees with me just as I won't expect an argument from the people that I disagree with.

The craziest thing I have ever heard are the claims on colloidal silver. Colloidal silver is a product made of tiny particles of silver that are suspended in a liquid (and yes, when I say silver, I mean the same metal your grandmother uses during the holidays). You are to ingest this liquid as a dietary supplement and it's stake to fame is that it boosts your immune system so well, that you can be cured of anything.

My problem with this "cure-all" is not whether it works or not. It's the wording of the claim. A visit to YouTube and you will see videos of people claiming to be "cured" of HIV, but if you listen carefully, the "cure" is that they are undetectable. There is the problem. IF they are to ever stop taking this cure all, HIV/AIDS will again begin to replicate in the body and your t-cells would drop again.

Ironic though...there are already pills that do that. I'm undetectable for two years now. And the side effects of too much colloidal silver are that your eyes, skin, internal organs, nails and gums are all effected by it. It builds up in your tissue and turns these body parts a blue-ish gray color, which also have to do with if you are ingesting the right mix of colloidal silver. I know Zombies are in, but that's not the look I'm going for - plus, it's irreversible. I personally, have no side effects from the medications I'm taking that are FDA approved and work. To each his own, but as for me and my body, I will only put things in it that I can verify if something goes wrong and hold someone accountable. I will always pray over whatever goes in my body and I'm sorry, but if this was the cure, and it's been around for as long as it has, I think there'd be less infections of any kind around.

Humanity comes from a history where simple prescriptions of sunlight, have sex, eat an apple, get some sleep...were strongly held to be the remedy for common cold, PMS, a headache, stress,etc. so it is no surprise that we take on a whole new understanding of natural remedies. My standing is that all of those things are recommended preventative measures today and science and medicine has evolved to where we have actual treatments for things that were not fully understood in our history. I believe the same for the future. There are things we may be doing medically now, that will be old wives tales to our great-grandchildren. Hopefully, if we keep making progress and making decisions with a sound mind instead of microwave healing, we might live long enough to see those changes.

TGIF! Favorite Quotes - National Health Blog Post Challenge: Day 8

As a woman who lives on inspiration and encouragement, I am extremely excited to bring you this blog post for Day Eight of  National Health Blog Month Challenge. 

A simple list of my three favorite quotes. That's it. So I've thought long and hard on this and I want my favorites to be a source of inspiration for you. I have SO many, that speak to me at different times of my life. There was one point in my life, after I had my daughter, learned my HIV diagnosis and was coming out of the stress and limbo to find out if my daughter had also contracted it (she didn't), that I remember sitting zoned out in front of my computer reading posts on MySpace and forwarded emails from friends that sometimes brought me out of my depression and sometimes launched me into a fit of tears. There were so many emotions going through me on top of post-partum depression that I am thankful to look back and see I've overcome. Here are three of the thousands of quotes that helped me in that time. Thanks time capsule journals and old blog posts. You can click on the quotes to see the old blogs from what inspired me to depend on it for encouragement.

1. "To live your best life now, you must begin looking at life through eyes of faith, visualizing the life you want to live."

2. A speaker at a marketing seminar drives home the message of decision making, which can be applied to everyone:  “If five frogs are sitting on a log and three of them decide to jump,” he asked the audience, “how many frogs are left on the log?” The answers were unanimous as they replied, “Two.” “Wrong,” the speaker chided, “there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping so there are still five frogs on the log.”

3. There is no blog reflection for this one. It's simply my ultimate favorite and inspires me to keep talking about HIV/AIDS all the live long day. It matters. I matter. You matter, so I will not be silent.

This blog was really hard. Really, really hard. I wanted to do movie quotes, song lines, scriptures, all of that. Great words have been said by many great people. What makes all those people great is that they took the time to reflect on their personal experiences and speak on them, thus the ripple effect of encouragement. 

What will you take time to reflect on that will help you speak encouragement to others?