Assessing A Situation

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A woman gives birth to a baby boy sixteen years ago and never tells the child who his father is due to the father being into a lot of illegal activities in the community. The child grows up only to lose his mother in his senior year of high school because she had AIDS. Now the entire family has turned their backs on him and his younger sibling for what they think of his mother. He has no home, doesn't attend school regularly and is now becoming a shadow of the father he doesn't even know exists.


There are so many things wrong in that scenario... well, it's not a scenario, it's a reality and it's a sickening one. So many opportunities to make things right, give a child hope, step in and help a mother identify her high risk behaviours prior to giving birth to a second child... So many reasons why respecting yourself, checking yourself and protecting yourself is vital. It's a vicious cycle that could have been a healthy bonded circle...


It saddens me... where does the community step in? What can be done for mothers out there that can help them make better decisions so that they can raise healthy minded, loved, ambitious young men and women? Is there still hope for this child? Is he lost?


Hey HIV, Will You Marry Me?

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People tend to think some things about HIV positive people like that they can’t be in a relationship, that they won’t get married, have sex (yeah, seriously), or anything that someone who’s not infected with HIV can have. They are wrong and I specifically picked a word to discuss in this blog to show that someone with HIV can be with someone who does not have HIV…

Ladies and gentleman, introducing a new word to your vocabulary: Serodiscordant is a term used to describe a couple in which one partner is HIV positive and the other is HIV negative. Serodiscordant relationships are also referred to as "magnetic".


Sero-concordant is the term used to describe a couple in which both partners are of the same HIV status (i.e., both are HIV positive or both are HIV negative). Serodiscordant couples face numerous issues not faced by sero-concordant couples, including facing a decision as to what level of sexual activity is comfortable for them, knowing that practicing safer sex reduces but does not eliminate the risk of transmission to the HIV negative partner. There are also potential psychological issues arising out of taking care of a sick partner, and survivor guilt. Financial strains may also be more accentuated as one partner becomes ill and potentially less able or unable to work. Then you have to think of planned parenting. How will the child be conceived? At what risks are you willing to take physically, emotionally, financially? Do you find a surrogate to carry the child? Do you adopt?




I’ve been putting off writing this blog for some time now because I didn’t want particular people taking my blog personal. This is something that has been on my mind for quite some time and I think I’ve finally got it together to put it into black and white.


When the subject of dating comes up in my life, I’ve been asked several times, ‘What are you looking for?” "Why are you single?" To that I usually reply with a hesitant smile or a shrug of the shoulders because I don’t really like answering the question. I always feel as if the person inquiring is looking for some certain answer to make them feel good and I want my answer to be conceived the same way it is given. I don’t want my answer to be taken as though the person that is asking me has to immediately meet my standards or requirements and if they don’t they will no longer get the time of day. As Steve Harvey has said many times on his show how women always settle and they end up in situations where they are unhappy because they don’t state their requirements. Some people like to know that they are measured at some level or that they have something to strive for. Well, at least in my opinion.

So, for some time, I’ve been thinking… while I know my worth and I know my place as a woman in a relationship, there are things that I believe should be taken into consideration prior to me establishing my heart and soul firmly in that position. I should be bringing things to the table as well as my potential mate. I should be willing to succumb to certain conditions as well as he. There is no 50/50 in my eyes, it’s give all and take all. Some would consider this unrealistic, but I’m a old fashioned romantic and it’s what I expect, what I require. We should be partners that balance each other, compliment each other. My peanut butter to his jelly, if you will. (Strawberry, if you’re feeling fresh!)

So what am I looking for?

I am looking for someone who is secure enough in themselves to love me at my worst so they can really appreciate me at my best and someone who is secure enough to let me see them at their worst and not always their best. I want to be with someone who appreciates the quiet so when I get loud and want to get loose, they will have the time of their lives (it happens). The person that I need to be with has to be someone that is willing to be in a sero-discordant relationship because I am a woman that openly speaks about being HIV positive, I pass out condoms, I hug drug addicts and I see a doctor every three months. One day, I night be on medication. One day, I might want another child. I give a lot of myself and I do not do so to compensate for some psychological trauma where I feel as though to give is the only way to receive love. I give and want my mate to understand that my love is boundless and intertwining with all man (not MEN, but mankind). I want someone who believes in fighting for what is right, not just because it makes you feel good, but because it’s right and you aren’t afraid of the changes to come. I see me being with someone that can embrace me for all that I am and still maintain their own crazy, sexy, cool… does that really sound impossible? No. It sounds like something that takes faith, work, communication, time, open-mindedness, willingness to laugh at yourself, the ability to show weaknesses, accepting that you are two people that are human, that are bound to make mistakes and to be comfortable with one another when the mistakes happen. That’s what I’m looking for. Can you handle that?

Why has it taken me so long to write this? Because I’m a single mother who has had her share of heartbreaks and has caused others she loved (loves) dearly pain. I am a woman who lives on the edge of not wanting to accept what life has given her and I fight through it daily because I know what God has promised me. I am a human being who is saddened at the thought that one mistake I made could cause me to not live long enough to see my daughter. That sadness sometimes keeps me from getting out of the bed. Can you handle that?

When I get proposed to, when someone wants to be with me that I deem worthy of the above mentioned things, I want them to know that this is what they are saying, “I do” to. It’s not just about the rings, the bridal party, the honeymoon, the living together, it’s about accepting each other BEFORE the joint accounts, before you get the dog… it’s about having the late night conversations, surviving the fights, the in-laws, the haters, the financial upheaval and the let downs. It’s about knowing that there are times you can’t fix everything but being there for each other does count for something. It’s about getting a chill twenty years into the marriage because the spark has never died. Come to think of it, I don’t even want a spark, I want an inferno… but should the flames die down, I know my best friend, my lover, my man will understand that things that can warm me again. It’s about being real with each other. Can you handle that?

I want my future husband to know that there are some days I am so sure in every decision I make and all that comes my way and there are days where I have to remember to tell the storm how big my God is because I just can’t take anymore and don’t want to bring those I love into my turmoil. I want my future husband to pray with me. I don’t mean quietly in his own time, I mean get down on his knees and confess sins, profess glory, give honor and praise to God with me. Can you handle that?

I always tell friends who have been through rough patches, bad break-ups and whimsical flings that the reason we go through our bad times is so that we can truly appreciate the good times. If things were all good all the time, we would completely take people in our lives for granted. We’d take for granted the tender moments where we feel like the most special person in the world. So, you have to be appreciative of those times when you wonder why you ended up with such a loser or why you wasted your time on such a gold digger. When you meet the one who knows your worth, you will know it. It won’t be a temporary feeling. It will be one that will stick with you like that piece of gum you stepped on in the parking lot at the mall and you didn’t notice until you stepped on your freshly mopped kitchen floor. Yeah, like that. LOL

Seriously, though there are times I wonder if I live in a fantasy land, I sit and make lists of realistic characteristics that I believe help a relationship thrive and the things I’ve mentioned are on that list. So perhaps when it’s all packaged together it seems like something that doesn’t exist, but I wait patiently because I know that my God knows the desires of my heart and knows what will break my heart. So I trust in Him to bring to me what is supposed to be in my life. I’d like to think that my list in comparison to who God is preparing for me doesn’t do him any justice. I'd like to hope that the man I receive in my life will exceed all that I ever hoped for.


I say all of this as a woman with HIV who once thought that love forgot all about me and would never know me again. I thought I was destined to be a pill popping-toilet hugging-rocking chair sitting-old maid who would only be touched by a nurse practioner (and what a cold touch they have sometimes)! But I have had to come to terms with things, stop just going through life and GROW through life. I now know that despite it all, I am worthy to have what my heart wants. Some would say a lot of odds are against me. I'm a single mother (who has a normal relationship with the baby's father - no animosity), I speak out publicily (to educate others to keep them from feeling isolated or that it can't happen to them) and I like country western music.


What? We've all got our quirks!


For a real dose of my blog read, When Opposites Attract:

Let Me Re-Introduce Myself...

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I initially did this video as a thank you to all my friends on MySpace who had been there for me from the time that I disclosed my status of being HIV positive. Since then, I have been surrounded by friends and family who have inspired me and strengthened me to face the challenges of stigma, stare down the demons of isolation and kick off into the ass of despair. I speak out for those that can't, won't or too afraid to. I speak out for those that have to sneak and take their medications alone, who have to go to doctor's appointments alone, who have to face the complications of HIV/AIDS in death alone. No one should have to be alone and for those that have made sure that I never am, I say....

The First Ten Years: A History Lesson of HIV/AIDS

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The Timeline of HIV/AIDS in America with breakdowns in Florida…



The First Ten Years

[1981: The Dawn of the Dead]

First U.S. “AIDS” cases reported in NY, CA, and FL among white gay men

(But people, PLEASE don’t get it twisted. This was not just a white, gay man disease. They were just the only ones going to the doctor for their symptoms to figure out what was wrong. If there is interracial dating, then let us be real and KNOW that there were gay, black men as well with this disease too. Think of the black men that died mysteriously in the mid 80’s to 90’s from “pneumonia” or “cancer”?

As which leads me to the next plot in the timeline, a point made in hindsight because no one was openly admitting that this was going on…

But people who were NOT white, male, AND gay had a false sense of security that they were NOT at risk.


Just imagine if people had treated this disease as though it were airborne or something obtained through drinking water or eating spinach, the precautions that would have been taken!

AIDS was initially named “GRID”. Can you guess what that was for?

Gay Related Immune Deficiency – Thank GOD we’ve made the strides we have made thus far to realize that this virus knows no gender, race, sexual preference, age, religion, appearance (meaning no matter HOW fine or sexy a man or woman is, ANY one can have it!!), social status, or political affiliation.
[1982: Que es Nombre?]


The gay related immune deficiency virus is given the name AIDS – Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome and the virus is now being diagnosed among HETEROsexuals, injection of drug users, transfusion recipients, hemophiliacs, and newborn infants; hence identified as a BLOOD-BORNE infection.

[1983: Number by Number]

The Centers for Disease Control (CDOC) declared AIDS as a reportable disease.

This information is crucial in the timeline as most of your data and statistics that you read and learn are of REPORTED cases only, meaning these are only the collected data of individuals that have been tested and know their status. This does NOT include the individuals roaming God’s green Earth without the first iota as to what they are carrying in their bodies; hence the importance of being tested and knowing your status, refraining from high risk behavior that can impair judgment and educating yourselves about the risks.

At the end of 1983, the cumulative AIDS cases reported were 4,156 in the United States, 235 being in the state of Florida. This staggering climb in AIDS cases led to it being declared a “public health emergency”, requiring physicians to report diagnosed cases immediately. This also changed how doctors, hospitals, and clinics operated.


[1984 : Cause & Effect]
Active surveillance for AIDS cases began in Florida; primarily focusing on South Florida.

HIV (HUMAN Immunodeficiency Virus [key word being human!!] is now identified as the cause of AIDS.

At the end of 1984, the cumulative AIDS cases reported were 9,920 cases in the United States with 544 being in Florida.

[1985: Hello, Operator? A Mosquito Bit Me!]



The FLORIDA toll free AIDS Hotline is established

Hysteria is created when TWO doctors in Belle Glade, FL claim that mosquitoes transmit HIV

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved the first HIV antibody test and screening of the blood supply began (which prevented the virus from being passed in blood transfusions – so today this is not a huge concern of contracting the virus)

Over 20 anonymous (alternate) HIV counseling and testing sites are established throughout Florida.

At the end of 1985, the cumulative AIDS cases reported were 20, 500 (that’s MORE than doubled!!) and 1,000 of these cases were in Florida.

[1986: Tune into WHIV for the latest...]


A statewide Public Information Campaign in Florida was initiated with billboards and radio spots as the first phase in prevention and awareness

WHY did this take FIVE years to happen since the beginning of the spread of the virus? Why do evolve so slowly as a people to protect ourselves from self destruction?

Remember that bullshit about mosquitoes carrying HIV? A CDOC/Florida study was conducted in Belle Glade disproved this pile of poo and was published in the journal of Science.

At the end of 1986, the cumulative AIDS cases reported were 37,000 with 2,100 of them being in Florida.


[1987: Take 2 Million Dollar Pills & Call Me In The Morning!]

Funding was obtained to expand HIV prevention education to minorities and community based groups.

There have been up to 3,000 calls a month to the AIDS Hotline

AZT (Retrovir) approved as the FIRST antiretroviral drug, initially helpful in warding off opportunistic infections and wasting.

This is now a drug given to pregnant women with HIV/AIDS to keep the child from contracting the virus during the term and delivery. Isn’t science wonderful? Or a double edged sword? Hmmm…

At the end of 1987, the cumulative AIDS cases reported were 59,500 cases and 3,700 of them are reported in Florida.

REMEMBER for those of you who may have forgotten, that these numbers are REPORTED cases of individuals who have been tested and are aware of their status!!


[1988: Silence Is Death]

Supplemental AZT funding was obtained by Florida; over 700 patients enrolled to receive the drug.

Can you imagine the lives that could have been saved had MORE people felt COMFORTABLE enough to be tested and/or had the money to enroll to receive the drug?? Remember at the end of 1987, there were 3700 reported cases, now Florida has 700 individuals enrolled to receive this drug that can prevent complications in the body due to the virus. There are still roughly 3,000 people wandering around NOT receiving treatment.

Surgeon General C. Everett Coop, MD, sends a booklet titled, “Understanding AIDS” to all 107 million households in the U.S., informing the country about HIV and how to prevent it - the LARGEST public health mailing EVER done.

Surgeon General Koop held office from 1982 to 1989 and was told to keep silent his non judgmental and progressive views about AIDS for several years before the mail out booklet.

Aren’t you glad he didn’t listen?

At the end of 1988 the cumulative AIDS cases reported were 89,800 in the United States with 6,300 being in Florida.

[1989: Crack Increases Risk]


Burroughs Wellcome , a fund that supports pharmaceutical companies, lowered the priced of AZT by 20% 4 days after ACTUP (AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power) activists staged a large protest at the NY Stock Exchange.

See? Unity and persistence DOES make a difference people!! Raise your voice, be heard!! Make a difference!

An epidemic of “crack” cocaine hits the streets of Florida, leading to an increase in syphilis and AIDS.

Amazing what drug use can make you do. And yes to those of you nodding your head about these things being put here on purpose by the government, we hear you! But instead of focusing on what the government did or didn’t do on purpose, STOP them at their own game. See, for years they know that WE know what they are up to, but they know that most of us are just going to run around paranoid at their next tactic or sit and talk about don’t do this and don’t do that… we talk about it, but we never DO anything about it. They DON’T talk about it and we sit and watch them BE about it…. Let’s get it together people!

The Florida responds to AIDS media campaign begins.

At the end of 1989, the cumulative United States AIDS reported cases were 115,700 with 9,800 of them being in Florida.

Other Links With Helpful Related Information:
Mosquitos and HIV


Find A Testing Site Near You

ACTUP: NY

What Is AZT?

Surgeon General C. Koop

Centers for Disease Control

Operation Get Tested

Burroughs Wellcome Fund

50 Under 30




Thank you for reading this blog. I appreciate all that come through to read, whether you comment or not. I just ask that you walk away with the desire to pass this blog on to a friend, get tested, do some research on your own, find your voice in this matter, there is no reason that the senseless spread of this virus can't be stopped. Again, thank you - the face to erase the stigma.... miss empowe[red].

All The Questions... What's The Answer?

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Ever since I can remember, there has been violence in schools. That’s not saying much about my generation is it? Do you know what your peers actions will say about your generation?

From Columbine to the recent Virginia Tech, innocent lives have been lost as a result to matters that used to be caught and dealt with in time before they escalated – if they occurred at all.

What makes a child want to cause harm to their peers? I mean, I remember wanting to kick someone’s behind; however I knew that violence wasn’t my answer, so I just counted down the days to graduation. I am a person who believes in people reaping what they sow. I know that somewhere, someday in the future, the children that caused my strife would be cosmically dealt with.


Now as a parent, I have my daughter to think of. What can I do as a parent to ensure that she does the same and doesn’t want to resort to taking weapons to school or causing physical harm to any of her peers? She’s four and already has had a bully incident. I’ve met the child and I truly believe that her behavior comes from lack of proper attention at home. The child knows that when they act out, someone will pay them attention. Children want to be seen and whether they have to commit a negative or positive act to not feel invisible, the result is all that matters to them.





Some say that a lot of today’s children’s negative behavior has to do with society so willingly available to diagnose the child with a disorder, prescribe a medication or place them in facilities that are inevitably un nurturing. Others believe that had prayer not been taken out of schools and the old school discipline of paddling, we wouldn’t have as many problems as we have now. Who’s to know for sure? And since we cannot predict life based on What if’s and Should be’s… we need to focus on what to do now.




Teens: When in a situation where you feel helpless because of negative behaviour (whether it’s sexual, mental, financial…) and you don’t know what to do or where to turn, what is your dream solution? Do you know whether there are severe consequences to your solution? Do you care?

Adults: Do you believe that another problem with our youth is that some parents are in denial of the responsibility that their actions play on our children’s behavior? Do you think that your child will come to you if they feel helpless in some of the above situations? Are you willing to accept that it is sometimes easier for them to go to their peers than for them to come to you? What are your solutions to this?

General: If the children are the future, then we HAVE to take responsibility in the present so when questions are asked about our past we are properly held accountable.

SPEAK!!!